Dara* is a little boy who just left our care to be placed in a permanent foster family.
Phnom Penh
August 2017
Dear Dara*,
We write this story to let you know how you came to this world. You were born during the dry season in 2017 close to Phnom Penh.
Your mother’s name is Touch*. She came to us early in her pregnancy. She was 18 when she got pregnant with you.
She has a cognitive delay and her understanding of the world is very limited. Just like you, when you were 5 or 6 years old. She smiles a lot and is very gentle. She is thin, always wearing a beanie.
When she was small, she went to a school where she was well taken care of, with other children with disabilities. But once she turned 18, her mother, your grandmother, couldn’t find another establishment for her to go to. It wasn’t easy back then to find placements for adults with disabilities.
Your grandmother had to work full-time to make sure everyone was provided for. She had to leave your mother alone while she was at the factory.
A construction worker took advantage of your mother’s kindness and innocence. He regretted his actions and was convicted for his crime.
You stayed with Touch and your grandma for three days after you were born. After that, a lady named Bora (Mother’s Heart midwife) came to take you to us. She checked your weight and your height. She made sure you were healthy.
Touch came to see you often during the 4 months you were placed in our emergency foster care family. We were told that she often looked for you, but she could barely look after herself, and she knew you had to find a loving family.
You were growing up so fast. You drank an extra can of formula a month compared to the other children. Your cheeks were full and when you came to visit, your laugh and your smile filled our office with joy. You were a beautiful little boy.
You have to know that your mother loved you very much and she made sure you were going to a good family. She trusted us after the 4 months passed. We contacted CIF (Children In Families) and they found a forever family for you.Everything about your family, your history, your birth is in our files.
Know that you were loved.
We wish you a bright and beautiful future.
Mother’s Heart
*All names have been modified to respect our users’ anonymity
Through the whole of Cambodian history, Khmer women have been compared to their ethereal divinity known collectively as Apsara. The subtle smile and beauty of the Apsara in the great temples of Angkor illustrates water and purity and the fluidity of the virtuous female. She is portrayed as virtuous, contributing greatly to her family and to the national identity.
Consequences of the decades of war and the Khmer Rouge genocide are many and one of them is the fracturing of Cambodia’s social fabric. Cambodian women lost their traditional role and status. Even though all of suffered, women have had to count more losses.
Today, many Khmer women, especially single mothers, remain shunned and marginalised in absolute poverty with little hope of ever improving their lot. She is unable to protect and provide for even the most basic needs of her children and she suffers greatly as a result. Miserable and lacking self-confidence she can no longer view herself as an image of Apsara.
When we met Bunty*, she had just been left by her husband. She was just 17, and when she announced her pregnancy, he panicked. He told her about his other family, packed his bags and left. She tried to prevent him from leaving, but he hit her so hard, she passed out.
When she woke up, he had left with all their belongings, all their money, and she had nowhere to go. A friend referred her to a shelter. They called us so we could provide her with crisis pregnancy counselling.
“I felt guilty. I thought it was all my fault and I probably deserved everything he had done to me” Bunty* told us between sobs during her first meeting.
She had no self-esteem and our social workers were scared she might fall into a heavy depression. That could lead to her taking drugs, and be the target of human traffickers. Our staff had to take action:
“We told her that we understood her situation was a very difficult one. We met her judgement-free and let her know that she was in a safe place and that we were there for her. We told her that it was alright to be sad, and she had nothing to be ashamed of. We took her in our arms and tried very hard to let her know she mattered.”
We asked her if she wanted to come and live in our women’s home. She agreed.
In her new home, she had the support of other mothers. She met women like her, who survived extremely difficult situations, and yet, are amazing mothers.
As her belly became rounder and rounder, she knew she could rely on Mother’s Heart, our midwife, our social workers; a team of dedicated professionals who had one mission in mind: keeping her safe, respected, and surrounded with care.
Her baby is now 4 months old.
She was at our offices last week because he had the flu. She didn’t panic. She knows she is being supported. She knows she is not alone. She is a beautiful woman, empowered by her motherhood. As beautiful as an Apsara. *names have been modified to respect anonymity.
On March 8, for International Women's Day, we asked you to support our cause.
Some of you have recently discovered the work we do, others have been faithful supporters for a long time.
So many of you answered our call and you made it possible for us to support a woman throughout her pregnancy and until her child turns 18 months. You made it possible for that child to have a great start to life with a team of dedicated professionals providing the best care available. We receive your letters of encouragement; know that we value your contributions.
Your donation made it possible for us to support a woman like Sreydy.
Sreydy is a very young woman who was referred to us by a partner NGO. She still bears the looks of someone who is barely out of childhood. Her cheeks are still full, her eyes the colours of ebony. Her hair rests on her shoulders.
Her shoulders seem to engulf her neck as if they could hide her entire body. Sreydy is shy and she carries her story with her.
Sreydy was 4 months pregnant when she was referred to Mother’s Heart. Many of the women who are referred to us at a young age have been victims of predators.
Sreydy was no exception.
She was no longer safe in her community. She felt threatened. She needed to leave. For the first time in her life, she had to leave her community, for something she was not guilty of. Leave behind her friends, her mother. She was heartbroken, isolated, lonely, and sad. She begged us to take her away from home. She was feeling unsafe, scared. The trauma was still fresh, like an open wound.
In the West, we would call that PTSD, here, there is no name for it. It is only seen as shame and weakness.
Our staff made the long journey to her community and escorted her to Phnom Penh.
They took her to a safe place, where she would not be alone. They surrounded her with care. They listened.
In a matter of weeks, she grew accustomed to her new life and the homesickness slowly went away. A smile grew back on her face. Even her stiff shoulders seemed to relax.
At first, she didn't feel she could keep her baby. She was young and had no experience with children. But as she spent more time with other young mothers, her new friends taught her how to care for a crying baby, change nappies, and wash them.
She grew in confidence. She could feel the baby kicking and growing. While holding other women’s children, she started imagining herself becoming a mother. Her mind changed. She was longing to feel the warmth of her baby in her arms. To be able to smell baby shampoo and talcum powder on the baby’s skin.
She carried her pregnancy to term. And she gave birth to a beautiful baby. She held him close. She loved him from the moment he was put in her arms.
He is now 2 months old and growing in size. His cheeks are like little hills that surround his face. His smile is heart-warming.
She is a proud mother and takes wonderful care of her baby.
Your donation made it possible for our team to go to her community. Our social workers talked to her mother. They did family mediation, and the community accepted her back. They understood the trauma she had been through.
In a few months, she will return home to her community.
None of this would be possible without you. Not only are you giving us the means to support Sreydy, you also give us constant moral support. Your messages, your love is being spread. You are the stars that radiate, and spread warmth.
Thanks to you, Cambodia is being made a better place for young women. You allow them to go through their crisis pregnancy. You empower them in becoming mothers. Their children are loved and not shunned. You make it possible for them to have vocational training, job placements and be financially independent.
Please, continue to support us. You make a difference.
By clicking on the donation button and donating, you will be changing the lives of numerous women. And for that, our staff will be forever grateful.
