A hair salon owner recently contacted Mother’s Heart to ask whether a woman from our program will be available to join her expanding provincial salon. This is great community cooperation, but what is really exciting is that Chantol, the salon owner, has herself come through a crisis pregnancy helped by Mother’s Heart.
An orphan, Chantol worked in a Phnom Penh Karaoke bar. Her longtime boyfriend was supportive, often helping her out with rent and a bit of spending money. She loved him.
But she became pregnant and her boyfriend found a wealthier girlfriend. He handed Chantol $200 for an abortion and broke up with her. Heartbroken, Chantol faced facts. She was going to be a single mum. She couldn’t work and raise the baby and she didn’t have a mum to help. She wanted an abortion also.
Chantol heard about Mother’s Heart from another client in our program and came in for crisis pregnancy counseling. The support and empowerment by Mother’s Heart staff and the earthy encouragement she experienced in friendships with the other single pregnant mums helped this resilient lady decide to keep her baby. Chantol attended classes at Mother’s Heart on pregnancy, delivery, and healthy relationships.
And gave birth to a baby boy.
The father of the baby visited her to see his son. They soon began to be in contact with each other again. Mother’s Heart staff helped them be reconciled and learn how to grow a strong relationship. He helped financially support her and their son by paying for her rent and even bought her a small motorcycle to ride to vocational training. While her son was at Mother’s Heart day care, Chantol studied hairdressing knowing that with this she could put her Karaoke life behind her.
Her relationship with the father of the baby continued to grow. At the completion of her 6 months training she moved with him to his province to live with his family where he helped her open her own hair dressing shop. She has excelled at it and has trained and employed four staff.
When her salone needed another staff member, Chantol decided to help another woman in the same situation she was in. She and her boyfriend plan to marry once they have saved enough to pay for a wedding.
Their young son is one and a half years old and growing.
“This girl, see she’s a bad girl”. Even the people who love us can sometimes say destructive things. Chantee’s mother was trying to convince the other people in the hospital of Chantee’s character even as she’d taken time to attend the delivery and care for her daughter during her recovery in hospital. Never mind that the poor girl had just undergone a C-section to deliver her transverse baby.
Life for Chantee had been daily insults since her mother found out she was pregnant. Her mother loved her but couldn’t over look Chantee’s misconduct. Chantee had become pregnant after a one-night stand with a young man she had met while working in a roadside shop. He had little idea of his responsibility. According to Cambodian culture, if one family member does something bad, they will bring more misfortune on the rest of the family. Because of this, Chantee’s mom blamed her for anything bad that happened in the family. She was furious. Being pregnant outside of marriage would bring misfortune on her and the rest of the family. Her relentless harsh words drove Chantee to move in with her aunt until the birth of her baby was imminent.
Mother’s Heart helped with her delivery, post-natal care, vaccinations and later formula while Chantee worked. A partner organization trained her to be a cleaner and she worked at that job for about a year while her baby was at Mother’s Heart daycare.
Mother’s Heart also helped Chantee mend her relationship with her mum, encouraging forgiveness. And Chantee worked hard to repair things with her mother. Their relationship improved enough that Chantee moved back home where her mum cared for her baby while Chantee worked in a well paid sales job.
The relationship with her mom was not the only restored relationship. Chantee has married her baby’s dad. After delivery he began to help Chantee out with some bills, showing an interest in the baby and making a life together. It took Chantee a long time to trust he was serious because he hadn’t proven so in the past. Her baby was over two years old when she decided ‘yes’ to marry him. Mother’s Heart was invited to join in their celebration and witness their mended relationship.
Chantee’s mother hasn’t completely forgiven her for getting pregnant, but Chantee chooses to show her love and to be a dutiful Cambodian daughter by helping her mom financially. Chantee continues to have a good relationship with her husband, secure well-paid work and their daughter is in preschool.
Vicheka found herself surrounded by a group of concerned women. Heavily pregnant, she would wash dishes, do mending, or help sell food, anything to earn enough to buy food for herself. At nights she settled down to sleep on the street. She had attracted the attention of some local women who worked and lived in the area. With compassion they collected some money together to give to her. One of the ladies allowed her to sleep in her home. Another gave her Mother’s Heart’s phone number.
At seventeen, Vichekahad arrived in Phnom Penh hunting for work. In the province, it was her mother’s aunt who had raised her. Her own family – mother, father, grandmother and younger brother had all died while she was a child. In Phnom Penh, Vicheka worked as a maid or doing odd jobs. It was not long before she met a boy…
Unfortunately, her partner was a savory character. Their first child died. Then Vicheka was pregnant by him again, this time with twins, yet her partner would not take responsibility for her or the babies.
34 weeks pregnant, Vicheka called Mother’s Heart and was taken into the pregnancy support program. She was found a place to stay until delivery.
The birth did not go well. Vicheka lost a lot of blood and needed a transfusion. An impassioned scrabble ensued as Mother’s Heart social workers struggled to find blood donors. There is a widespread policy in Cambodia that in order to receive a blood transfusion, the relatives or friends of the sick person must donate an equivalent amount of blood before the transfusion takes place. Often doctors or staff will donate blood when there is no family. But Vicheka was giving birth on a holiday, there was hardly any staff around. A dear friend of Mother’s Heart was able to give 4 units of life saving blood for Vicheka.
Gradually recovering, Vicheka left hospital. Her stalwart neighbors urged her to give one or both of her babies away. “Yes but how will you provide for them? At least give one of them away.” Vicheka was very torn. She truly did not know what to do. It is so hard for single women with one child to survive but two, impossible!!!
With Mother’s Heart counseling, Vicheka was able to clearly evaluate whether or not she was able to keep her babies. Staff assured her it was her decision; they would support her in whatever she chose.
Vicheka has decided to keep both babies. Together she and Mother’s Heart staff created a plan for her future. She desperately wanted a job so Mother’s Heart staff set up an interview with a partner organization. At this interview Vicheka excelled and was accepted into their one-year program. Now she has a safe place to stay, a supportive community, and a job.
Vicheka, is proactive about the care of her twins, everyone notices it. She still gets help from Mother’s Heart; they provide her with nappies, formula to supplement her breast milk, and emotional support from the staff when she needs it. But Vicheka is succeeding to make a life for her small family in Phnom Penh.
She is an amazing, strong, and determined young woman and all involved in her life are extremely proud of her.
